I don't have a partner.. Can I come alone? Will I be safe?
There are usually both submissives and dominants who come to munches without a partner. If you're not entirely comfortable doing this, contact the munch organizer and let them know your situation. They be very happy to save you a seat near them, make sure you're introduced to everyone and help make you feel comfortable and welcome. A munch is not a place to 'pick up' partners, and in almost all groups dominants and submissives treat each other with respect. Whileflirtatious comments may be made, "No" means no, and should you feel that someone is not respecting that, the munch organizer would appreciate knowing. I/We
are not into all that heavy play.. Will I/we be uncomfortable?
Munches include people of the entire range of BDSM interests from light Dominance and submission to those involved in heavy physical aspects of S/M and everything in between. While you may not be interested in everything discussed, you will most likely meet others there with interests close to your own. Diversity is celebrated in the BDSM community and any consensual and safe practices or ideas are usually readily accepted. There's no pressure to have interests you don't have in our group. We get many people who are nervous before attending that they may not be 'BDSM enough' and find complete validation of their interests and 'level' by others who feel the same. I/We
are not very experienced (or have no real life experience). Will I/we feel out of place?
Not at all! Almost every munch has at least one other person there with little or no real life experience and it's not neccessary to be experienced to attend munches. Munches are a great place to see that BDSMers are not perpetually dressed in leather and carrying whips and chains. They are a great place to get information and insights from those with experience, learn about the different aspects of BDSM, ask questions, and just feel comfortable around others who feel the same. For those of us who have to 'hide' that part of ourselves around friends, family and co-workers, it's very liberating. How
many people usually attend?
This depends entirely on the individual group. Attendance can range from 3-4 people to a few dozen. The DarkRose Society is a new group and therefore attendance differs from munch to munch as we continue to grow. One thing to keep in mind.. a high percentage of people attending are somewhat shy in groups. It's completely acceptable to be quiet until you feel more comfortable. Don't assume that everyone knows everyone else, because in most cases, there will be others there who are new. Am
I in the right age group? Will I be uncomfortable?
Ages of those in attendance of course vary from group to group, but usually there will be those from age 19-20 to in their 60's or 70's. Within your first 2 or 3 munches you will probably meet others your age. Even if most others seem older than you, or younger than you, you already have common interests so should feel comfortable. What
should I wear?
Most people wear whatever they normally would for lunch/dinner with non-BDSM people. Feel free to contact the munch organizer to ask if there are any special dress requirements or rules. At this point the DarkRose society has no special requirements, keep in mind we are living in Kentucky and if in doubt use discretion. Do
people use their real names ..or..??This
is entirely up to each individual. You can use either your real name or a nickname that you're known by. Ourmunch group provides name tags so that you can write both your first name and nickname (or either one you want). How
should I address others?
Dominants and submissives are on equal footing. A submissive is not required to call anyone Sir or Ma'am or to do any sort of serving. Just address people by the name or nickname they give the group. Another thing to keep in mind is that in most cases you won't know whether someone is dominant, submissive or switch until the introduction. Please don't make any assumptions. Many times the shy ones are dominant and the more assertive ones are submissive. Are
there questions I should NOT ask people? What CAN I ask them?
It's acceptable to ask people any non-intrusive question. Start out getting to know them slowly. It's usually OK to ask where others live or what kind of work they do. Their answers will be as vague or precise as they are comfortable with sharing. Some people are very comfortable sharing intimate sexual information, but the majority are not.. at least not at first. Common sense will let you know how much you can ask, and if you're in doubt, ask their feelings regarding certain activities rather than if they engage in them, or share your feelings on topics and invite their responses. Conversations will also generally cover the internet and computers, local clubs, stores and toys. I'm
really nervous.. should I just forget this entire idea?I
don't think I've ever met anyone who wasn't nervous before their first munch.. but here are a few comments I've heard:
I remember before my first munch I was terrified.. dont know what I expected.. lots of leather and stern faces I guess ..*LOL* nothing could be further from the truth. Your first impression will likely be "Gosh! they're so-so-so ..normal!!! " *G*
I was really REALLY nervous... for about the first 2 minutes.. then I felt completely welcome and part of the group and had a GREAT time!
Some of the people I've met at the Munches are well on their way to becoming very, very close friends of mine... they understand things that my vanilla friends just "don't get".
It was incredible to us that what we'd been talking about, and guessing at, had already been identified and discussed by others before us. Talk about serious validation! It was so great tosee that ‘our' ideas about a structured relationship and interaction between two distinct personality types was not only upheld, but celebrated by others! Have
anymore questions, feel free to post them on the DarkRose Society e-list. Click below to join e-list.
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